99.9999% Harm Avoidance

Something that a lot of psychiatrists and therapists recommend you do in Treatment is taking something known as the TCI test - which stands for the Temperament and Character Inventory Test. From my understanding, it takes an inventory of all your emotions and then it basically tells you what percentage of messed up you are. Along with myself taking this TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY QUESTION TEST, they also recommend your significant other take the test as well.

Prior to taking it, my boyfriend, let's call him 'Garvin' (just in case he doesn't want to be named), said he was afraid the test would come back and say he was some sort of psychopath. Meanwhile, I sat there being like, I feel like I'm going to ACE this test, and I wonder if there is extra credit if no pencil marks get outside the scantron bubbles.

I should've known at that point that I was doomed.

I walked into the therapist's office about 3 days after completing the test, and she says, "Let's start off by first talking about YOUR test." Ready as ever to hear I'm a perfect specimen, she drops the ball on me that I do in fact have an eating disorder. Which - that's what I'm here for, lady. Thanks for making me take a 2 hour test to tell me something I CAME TO YOU FOR.

But then she goes on to break down where my temperament is within the spectrum. My temperament (what I'm born with) is considered to be at 99.9999% harm avoidance, and my character (what the environment thrusted upon me) is considered to be at about 85% Cooperativeness.

Being that high in the harm avoidance category basically means that I'm fearful, and terrified and always worried for no reason- Which ask anyone that knows me how many times I've thought I've been dying from some disease I read about on WebMD, and they can confirm this is accurate. I seriously thought one time I had jaundice because my jaw hurt. I will admit, I have since found out that jaundice has nothing to do with your jaw.

The Cooperativeness part means that I'm empathic, tolerant, compassionate, supportive and principled. So SUCK ON THAT high school english teacher that told me I was immoral for cheating ON A MACBETH TEST.

We then got to listen to what Garvin's results were, which I was like, "Ok, I had to have beaten him in this test." The therapist proceeds to tell me that Garvin is one of the most emotionally and mentally stable individuals they have ever seen take the test, and that includes people THAT WORK AT THE TREATMENT CENTER. I was like, there is no way. You are telling me the guy that literally sits on the couch and records HIS FARTS has a better MENTAL SCORE than me????????????

Fig 1: Me actively trying to see how Garvin could have possibly scored better on this test than me.

So, I asked the lady if maybe she just switched our names and maybe I WAS the mentally stable one, and she said "No." But the way she said "No," to me sounded more like, "Listen, I don't know what goes on in your head all day, but I feel like you could really benefit from your boyfriend and his perfect mind and emotions."

Since I've taken the test, I've requested to retake it 4 times, and the therapist is literally like just accept your fate of being scared of the world and let it be. So I'm currently scared of the world and trying to let it be.