I'm Sorry for the Things I Said When I was Hangry

The Snickers commercial had it right, "You're not you when you're hungry." I often wish Snickers would just sponsor eating disorder recovery centers because that's exactly what everyone would tell me. "Well, you're in a bad mood because there's no food in your stomach." And I would say, " I don't hate my life because I'm not eating. I hate my life WHEN I'm eating. That's why I'm here dummy." I didn't actually say that, I usually was just like, "Oh interesting." And then continue to be miserable and not eat, and tell them they didn't know what they were talking about under my breath.

It's funny because memes always portray women being hangry and then magically happy and not acting like they want to murder someone once they ate food. And I never believed that because I was never happy after I ate, or I never kept it down. But then something magical happened about three weeks into eating regularly. I started to like give a shit about people around me again? Like I generally started to feel bad about being so angry all the time? And at the moment, I was like, "Damnit, Kathy*." Kathy was the dietician who told me that eating would adjust my mood. Kathy was also not her real name, but I don't think she'd like me to use her real name in this blog.

Fig 1: Me realizing eating food makes you less angry at other humans

But it really was like a magic mind fix. I suddenly wanted to be nice to people again, and I didn't feel like I was on edge every second of the day. And I feel like I owe an apology to all the people I was just mean to because I was hungry, so here it goes.

To the poor girl I ran into at Mile High Spirits who accidentally spilled a drink on me, I'm sorry I told you that you were a bad person. To be fair, you TOTALLY could be a bad person, but in that moment you weren't, I just needed a piece of pizza.

To my landlord that I emailed a threatening letter to because I was convinced you came into my apartment and turned the heat up while I was gone, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to operate the thermostat and I have since read the manual and started eating sandwiches again, so as you were.

To my boyfriend, Garvin, who I threatened to break up with one day because you were taking too long golfing. My bad, I now realize golfing takes like 5 hours, which TBH that is really ridiculous and you should look into a shorter sport.

To my lyft driver who was just trying to have a nice conversation with me about how you love Denver. I'm sorry I told you it's not that great of a city. Maybe a breakfast burrito would've made me happier at that time.

To my credit card company who I thought was putting random charges on my card and taking all my money. I actually do remember spending $56 at a Shell Gas station and $72 on candles.

There are plenty of other people that I should apologize too, but I'm running out of time because my computer is dying and if you think I'm leaving my couch to get my cord, you must not know me at all. So I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry, and please direct any complaints you have to my lawyer. Thank you for your time.